The Difference Between Discipline and Abuse
State laws vary on what is discipline and what constitutes abuse. The following may help:
Discipline is probably excessive if:
- Child is physically injured, including bruising, broken skin, swelling or a situation that requires medical attention
- Punishment is meant to instill fear rather than to educate the child
- Caretaker, whether a parent, guardian or school official, loses control
- Action is inappropriate for the child’s age
- Action results from a caretaker’s unreasonable demands or expectations for the child
As a parent, ask yourself…
- Do I feel good about this exchange?
- Is there an important lesson that I imparted?
- Does my child know that I love him or her?
- Is there mutual respect, or fear?
- Am I behaving in a way that I want my child to emulate?
Abusive adults may share some general characteristics, such as:
- Lacks knowledge or understanding of a child’s developmental needs
- Shows immature/impulsive behavior or uses children to meet emotional or physical needs
- Strict disciplinarian frustrated by unmet expectations for their children; is rigid, compulsive, authoritative or demanding
- Unrealistic expectations or standards for him/herself and children
- Lacks interpersonal skills and is unable to interact with other people, form relationships or work together with others
- Is isolated, with little or no support from family, friends, neighbors and other social groups
- Parent looks to children to meet their own basic unmet emotional needs for necessities such as warmth, love and support
- Shows poor self-concept and considers themselves unlovable, worthless, or bad
- Resents or fears authority
- Acts in a hostile and aggressive manner
- Shows cruel or sadistic behavior
Victims of physical abuse may show:
- Repeated, or frequent, unexplained bruises:
- On the face, nose, throat, upper arms, buttocks, thighs or lower back
- In unusual shapes or patterns, or clusters, suggesting use of some instrument (lashes, loops, lines or bites)
- Burns including:
- Cigarette burns (circular in shape on palms, hands, feet, genitalia or stomach)
- Immersion burns (from being forced into hot water; “glove” effect or could be doughnut-shaped)
- Rope burns
- Burns in shape of common household appliances or utensils
- Skeletal injuries to the face, skull, or bones around joints; or fractures or dislocations
- Lacerations; missing, chipped or loose teeth; lost hair or bald patches; broken eardrums
Victims of any abuse may show:
- Extreme swings in behaviors (aggression, withdrawal, regression)
- Depression or excessive crying
- Unbelievable or inconsistent explanations for injuries
- Inappropriate fear of a parent or a caretaker
- Unusual shyness, or wariness of physical contact
- Antisocial behavior such as running away or substance abuse
- Reluctance to go home
- Belief that punishment is deserved
For assistance and/or more information:
Locally:
- Call 211 or visit the United Way 211 website for community and parenting resources.
- www.beechacres.org (Beech Acres, Cincinnati)
- www.familynurture.org (Family Nurturing Center, Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky)
National sites:
- www.keepkidshealthy.com/parenting_tips/discipline/discipline_techniques.html
- www.childdevelopmentinfo.com
HCJFS 7950 (REV. 2-12)